Recently in a moment of awareness I discovered that it is easier to see the negative nature of others than it is to see my own negativity. I realized a few months back that I was deliberately putting out there that I did not want to be in a relationship when in fact I do, I was too scared to admit it to myself. The truth is I love being in a relationship, I enjoy having one man in my life and have never enjoyed dating several people while in search of a fit. I made a conscious decision over the past two years that I wanted to make healthier choices and the key for me was to become completely comfortable with myself first by not dating. In doing so I convince myself I didn’t want to date, but in truth I wanted to become a healthier person first so that I could attract a healthy person into my life. I needed to feel confident that I wanted a man to enhance my life not complete me, so my struggle was to feel complete first before allowing myself to date. When you begin to establish self love you begin to have self confidence. When you have self confidence you are much more aware of the people around you and your ability to make better choices, not only in dating but also in friendships. You begin to make healthier decisions because you are relying on your inner confidence by paying attention to inner feelings that come up while you are around other people. I believe it is all based on energy, if I am positive in my thinking my energy is higher and I will attract healthy, positive people in to my life. If I believe I am worthy of love then love will find me, if I believe I don’t deserve love then I won’t. I see the same thing working with friendship and business relationships, by believing they exist and that I deserve them I begin attracting healthy minded people into my life.
My decision to not date for a while was a healthy one, two years ago I made a list with all of the things I wanted in a man, I made it so detailed in fact that I had to laugh with the thought of how such a person could actually exist. It seemed as though I was being so picky that no one could have all those characteristics in real life, still I had read somewhere to do the exercise because it worked…so I did. I started to feel a shift in my thoughts several months ago when I realized that by saying to others out loud I did not want to date I was not being true to what I felt inside. The truth was that I did not care to date just anyone I wanted to meet the right one for me and I didn’t want to have to weed through men to find that one. I had so much fear of getting hurt there was no way I would attract someone into my life because I was putting negative energy out unknowingly. I believe when we are struggling with these sort of subconscious issues we put out mixed signals with our talking, tone of voice and body language. I want to be in a committed relationship and I was scared to admit my actual fear was if I found someone I was crazy about and told the world, I would be embarrassed that I exposed myself if the relationship fell apart. I didn’t want people to see my vulnerable side and I would then have to admit I was wrong. I was living in this fear and it was not even a reality. I was self projecting without even knowing it and I was not giving myself a chance of what if, because I was already focused on the negative. By saying I did not want to date I was hiding and hiding makes it easy to look good but by hiding you can not be found. We can not find the right person without allowing ourselves to look, to make mistakes and to try again. We must learn to trust not only others but ourselves. I had finally become very comfortable with my singleness and with allowing myself the possibility of what might be out there. Around the time I was having these thoughts I noticed something very interesting about myself…I had unknowingly started watching a lot of romantic comedies. The reason this is interesting is that for over a year I did not want to see anything showing love, intimacy or couples because it would bring up my inner loneliness and my fear that I would never find the right guy. In reality it had nothing to do with anyone else, I just lacked self confidence and my “Self Talk” needed to change. I needed to believe there was someone out there for me and feel it was true rather than believe no such man existed. It made me sad to see others in love because I wanted to experience that so badly but deep down I had doubts that I deserved love because I lacked the confidence to admit I was good enough or that it existed. I coped by telling everyone I didn’t want a relationship and that I loved being single. I knew that I needed the time to work on myself, on my thinking and to become a healthier individual but I was also putting a very negative message out to keep my heart safe. When you have the ability to become aware of your negative self conscious “Talk”, just that awareness can begin shifting your thoughts. I then noticed I had all of a sudden started watching movies about love and I no longer felt lonely, instead I felt happy because I felt there was a possibility that love would come into my life because I knew I was living in a better mind set. I felt an inner confidence focusing on the excitement of being in a relationship rather than the negative feeling of believing the right man was not out there for me. I started to believe that wonderful feeling of sharing my life with a partner again would someday exist. I smiled thinking of what that would feel like and what the possibility of love could bring into my life. I know this all may sound silly but I really do feel it is all on the way I have to trust it will happen as it should and just focus on feeling good no matter what.
Another thing that showed me a shift in my thinking was the birth of ReTune Nashville. For years I have asked for and prayed that something would come into my life that would allow me to give back, not just a financial give but a giving of myself to others with out expecting anything in return. ReTune was an accident brought on by a silly idea originating from an unplanned, unfortunate event…a flood. The inner fulfillment this project has brought to me so far is beyond words and we are not even half way to achieving our mission. It has only strengthened my belief in prayer and in positive thinking, we don’t always get what we want right away or when we think we need it. Sometimes someone else knows better when things are supposed to come into being, we just have to believe it is on the way and that it is happening exactly as it should.
What I am attempting to share here is that we need to really pay attention to what we are putting out there, what are we subconsciously sharing with the world? We need to pay attention to our thoughts, what we say and our response to sensitive issues. We often operate in auto pilot repeating ideas and thoughts that may not be as positive as we think. We may be unconsciously putting negative ideas out there because it has over time become a mechanism to protect our hearts from being hurt. We may be playing it safe without even knowing it by operating from fear of what happened in the past. If we open our hearts, take chances and experience the possibility of wonderful things we allow ourselves to experience life not just live it. If we are playing it safe for fear of making a wrong decision or getting our heart broke chances are we are not really living our full potential. If we are experiencing happiness our energy is higher and better things are more likely to come our way and to continue.
I want to live from this point on as if it were my last day on earth. I want to create more, give more, share more and love deeper than I have ever done in my past. The worst thing that can happen is I could fall down a few times but I still have the strength to get up and keep trying so there is absolutely no excuse for my not creating an extraordinary life for myself, even now at 45.
How about you, what are you saying to yourself that could be turned around in a way to make you feel stronger and happier. Pay attention to things that don’t feel good and become aware of what your self conscious mind is saying. Be honest with yourself and with others in a positive way and I can assure you that your life will become a happier place. Give it a try and let me know what you find out! Sending love out to all of you, now it is your turn to spread the word and make a difference!