So I finally got the courage to make some big changes. To let go of a 4 year on/off live with and for a while without relationship. The past 3 months I realized that it was time I started to take care of my self and stop hoping for something that couldn’t be. Why do we and yes I mean we (we all do it so admit it) stay in relationships that somehow deep inside we know will never work. I have made a life of it and damn it I am ready to change my ways. This is the first time in years I have been alone and the first time since I was in my 20s that I am ok with it. I am not looking, I am not interested and I am ok. Thats not to say if someone comes along I might not consider a date if I feel an interest but for now I am looking for good friends and good times. Simple! The break up was not really difficult except for the moving out and the stress that went along with that but emotionally…I think I cried and hurt so bad when I was with that person that there was nothing left to grieve when it was finally time to say goodbye. I am content. I do miss some things and it is different wth all this time on my hands. I do miss caring for someone because I love that part of a relationship but I don’t miss the emptyness I felt while with him or the worry from his inability to be honest and commited to the relationship. I am a one man woman and I expect that from the person I am with. So why did I still stay for so long knowing what I knew? I guess I just wanted to be loved so bad that I stayed and I was afraid of being alone. Now I know that if someone truly loves you they would not lie or mess around. I know that love is more than a companion or a roomate in my case. That is what it had become. Any way here I am re-inventing my life and happy to be doing it for no one else but me. I guess when you are going through change you somehow find strength to do what you need to do to get through all the ups and downs. That is a great feeling to know you can get through it on your own!