With all the media coverage over Michael Jackson’s passing, the loss of Farrah and now the death of Nashville’s Steve McNair one can’t help but feel sad and a little numb. I find it unsettling that so much media coverage happens over the famous, that people seem to honor and celebrate the lives of the well known but the everyday Joe is often buried and forgotten with out any acknowledgement, that someone like Todd (an earlier post) was not even honored by his own family. It is still a life and no matter who it is they gave something good to someone in their lifetime. Wouldn’t it be grande if we all could have a celebration and words of greatness spoken like the stars do just because we lived. With so many high profile people passing as well as people in my own life I have found myself often questioning what is all this for…what is my purpose? Lately it seems to be about survival in regards to money, making it and not spending it if possible. I am smart enough to know that money is not my purpose. I have found myself feeling bored with life, wanting to be moved by something, wishing for some sort of change but unable to figure out a way to get out of the paralyzed state I seem to be in…I am so frustrated. MJ’s memorial was much more moving to me than I imagined. I am not one to get star struck and honestly was getting a little tired of the overwhelming coverage of MJ. I was curious how the memorial would be carried out and that was the primary reason I decided to turn on the tube 30 minutes after it started I have to say surprisingly I was very moved, tears fell and I felt the power of his passing in a different way than I expected. The most moving thing for me was the connection I felt to God and the reality that music can bridge countries, cultures and ethnicticity. I felt the beauty of life in his memorial, of connection and of unity. I saw the power music can bring, the power it has over our bodies in movement, how it is felt and how it can breed love in such an unexplainable way. Lately I feel that music is the one thing that can always move me especially when I can connect with the story and the beat.
I am really questioning my worth, my life and my happiness these days. I feel as though I am moving along at a snails pace in regards to accomplishments and like lightning as far as the time I have here. I know aging is a part of this equation but I also know the lack of money I have available due to the economy is a big factor. Like so many others I am being affected and it bothers me to not be as social as I would like to be because I am staying home more in order to spend less. Money is such a strange thing…people who have it never worry about it but often try to find happiness through spending it and never do. People who don’t have money wish they did and live believing if only they could afford _____ they would be happy.
Recently I attended a party (consisting of mostly 20 somethings) with a friend and I felt like we were two cougars in a sea of boys…and girls. Lot’s of flirtatious looks from the guys and judgmental stares from the gals. The most interesting thing I noticed at this party is that the guest list seemed to include people with a lot of money but no one seemed happy, drunk yes but not happy. Perhaps I was reading into it but it was an interesting night of observation. Everyone was pretty, both the guys and the gals hair was perfect, fingernails and toes carefully prepped, dress attire was high fashion and all were well groomed. The thing that disappointed me was that I didn’t hear a single interesting or deep conversation. No one person stood out of the crowd (except maybe us old farts) and everyone seemed a little bored, continuously picking up their phone to text or call someone. Not one person walked up to me and offered an introduction only a stare almost as if in disbelief I was there. Standing around observing the crowd got me to thinking…this is my nephew’s generation, lacking in the desire to connect with others and over stimulated with media to the point they are bored with everything. They don’t seemed genuinely engaged with each other and can’t function without texting, emailing or talking on their phones. No one seems completely in tune with anyone else because at any moment a text might break the focus. It seems sad and I feel disconnected.
With all this reflecting I can say I am working very hard to make all these observations mean something in a positive way. I believe that life is supposed to be lived in a happy and engaging way. When you have a clear mind free of noise, guilt and medication I think you begin to understand why you are here. Believing this makes it that much more important for me to try and stay healthy, live life in moderation knowing that balance is the key to everything. I am taking these strange, sometimes frustrating and often bad experiences and learning about life. These are very strange times and I not only want to be living my life with purpose and happiness but I also want to live an extraordinary life not a mediocre one…and so I am reminded, “this too will pass!”