How can men be so excited about having sex and not be excited about falling in love?

Once again I have had to face a death, this time my step dad who has been in my life for 27 years, it was hard…really hard.  I spent 5 days with the family and 2 days with mom, I love her so much.  I cried half the way back to Nashville thinking of her and how she must feel and how she is missing Elwyn.  I have had a few weeks or so to try to get back in the groove, it’s just not happening.  I am sad, I am unsure of what direction to go for getting new work, I am feeling lost in so many ways yet I still feel grateful for all that I have.  I have a loving family and the most beautiful friends I have ever had in my life.

With all that has happened over the past 6 months I have come to realize how true it is that in a split second your life can change.  Although I am feeling challenged with life right now I believe that it is something that is supposed to happen and I have to find the good in it all.

On another note…I have had the opportunity to spend more time with a really good “guy” friend and I have had a new insight to many of the men of my past.  I have many great guy friends but this one in particular is more open in his sharing.  I realize that all men are different but my friend…lets call him James, is acting in ways that I would have imagined or perhaps complained about in regards to the differences in men and women.  It is obviously we are all different but do the majority of men really fall in the same category when it comes to the ways they are with women?

Here is what I have observed through James.  First off he does not take an initiative to fully say what he wants to women he is seeing.  It only strengthens my worry that men are not good a communicating.  Why is it so hard to just say or to ask for something.  It seems they are so worried with the answer, or perhaps the questions leading up to the answer that they just don’t acknowledge things.  Avoidance seems to be the key to their existence.  Now don’t get me wrong I do understand that we women tend to ask a lot of questions and with the answers, if we are lucky enough to get them, we may not like the answers, we may pass judgment, we may even get upset, but is that really all that bad.  I remember the frustration I would have when I would ask my ex-husband a question and wait for minutes and sometimes never getting an answer.  I could see his mind working wondering what the right answer was rather than what he truly felt.  It was so frustrating to both he and I and so unnecessary.  Why can’t we as men and women just say the truth in how we feel about something with out passing judgment and from our own viewpoint rather than beating around the bush, lying or avoiding?

James also brought a new thought into my mind after seeing how he has handled some of his dating relationships, opting to not say why he was no longer interested in a woman but just avoiding and not calling her.  I know we women usually do that because we are afraid of hurting the guy’s feelings, if after a few dates we find ourselves not wanting to see the person again we may avoid answering the phone calls.  The difference for me is there was no intimacy with the guy other than kissing where as James has had intimacy and then avoidance.  As a woman if I have had intimacy and no longer want to be involved with the guy and if we have been out on a regular basis I think it is appropriate to tell the guy it just is not working rather than hiding and not answering the calls.  Guys seem to be different in that respect and it seems almost like they wanted to get the girl to bed and once the conquest is tackled they move on to the next.  I have talked to James about this and explained that for me I am not the one night stand kind of girl nor am I the 2-3 date kind of lady.  I want to know the guy a little before giving in and really spending time with them.  I once had a great guy friend tell me he always thought to him self “would this woman be marriage material”  before sleeping with her.  I never really understood his thinking because he still seemed to sleep with them all but it did show that he at least had some deeper thought about the act before moving forward.  So I asked James….are there any women out there like me who don’t give in so easily?  He just laughed…. so many times I have gone on 2-3 dates, had a great time, really liked the guy but felt at that point there was a bit of an expectation for the next step and after my not wanting to cross that bridge realized the calls stopped.

Doesn’t sex change everything and what is so bad about waiting a little while?  I would be willing to bet that at least 85% of women who sleep with a guy on the first, second or third date seldom have many more after that, if they do chances are the sex is great or that is all that there is in the relationship.  I am not saying that sex is bad but I have to wonder, am I the only one holding out these days?  Am I really that lame and old fashion?  How can a guy have multiple sex partners in the same week with out any feelings of regret and how can men be so excited about having sex and not be excited about falling in love?  My best gf says all men are the same and think from the same place, I get upset with her because in my mind I choose to believe there are some men out there who are not that way…or even if they think that way they are not acting on the urge, have some sort of restraint and morals outside of sex.  So guys if there are any out there who are HONESTLY different step forward please and prove me right!!!