It has been an interesting few weeks of lessons and self discovery. It is strange how when you use your mind to focus on things in a positive manner your world begins to change in a positive way. That being said it sometimes produces negative results because those are the things that need to be eliminated in order to move forward. Over the course of my life I have trusted people deeply and over time I have experienced deep disappointment, humility and hurt by trusting so much. I assume it is because I believe there is good in everyone and often I want to see the good in others so badly that I sometimes overlook what is actually there subconsciously.
Why do people lie? We all are guilty of an occasional little white lie, but where should the line be drawn as to what is good behavior? A small fib might be made for the sake of not hurting someones feelings about something sensitive because we care about that person. Perhaps you change the comment someone shared to something less hurtful, you hold back telling what you ate while on a diet or you didn’t mention you were upset about something when you were. When you lie to someone for what ever reason you have to carry the consequences of how that lie made you feel inside. Most people experience a heaviness when they are not honest but some may actually feel power. If you get away with the lie you may feel good for a bit but you are still carrying the weight of what you said no matter what, if you get caught you then have to face guilt.
So why are some people so good at telling a lie and seem to have the ability to do it effortlessly? We all know at least one person who has this ability, who never seems to have remorse despite how their actions may hurt someone else. Often we call these folks narcissist because they are driven to do what ever it takes to get what they want at any cost. They are often selfish and don’t care or maybe they are not able to see how they are hurting someone else because they are so focused on their own needs. Why are some people really good liars and others not at all? I believe that those who understand the power of honesty, have integrity and actually feel the internal pain of dishonesty. For those who live with compassion and truly care about others being honest is something they value. Dishonesty is often a natural behavior for those who care more about their own selfish needs but I believe even the best liars who seem to have no remorse are carrying some form of consequence. Dishonesty takes a lot of energy and is an extreme form of negativity.
Recently I was lied to in a way that was inexcusable. The details are not important but the lesson I received from it is. There are times when we must question someones word. I have found that my negative lifetime experiences have in some way resulted in a fear of trusting my own gut when something just doesn’t feel right. My fear is “what if I am unfairly making a judgment based on my past experiences rather than on the situation at hand.” So many times that thought has over ruled the terrible feeling in my gut and most every time I have found later that the feeling was unfortunately correct. This recent experience revolved around what I thought to be several lies and it had me feeling uncomfortable in my gut for days, I questioned every aspect of the situation, and my reasoning. I became so uncomfortable that I physically began feeling sick so I prayed for some sign to help ease my mind. At that point I didn’t care as much about the situation at hand but I needed some internal proof I was not loosing my mind because the feeling inside me was so uncomfortable it made my chest hurt and I felt sick to my stomach. I was questioning myself and asking for some sign of clarity. As Dr. Wayne Dyer says…ask and you are given!
Slowly but surely the signs came and by the time they were all in front of me I realized the person who was in question had become someone I did not know at all. My belief in their trust was slowly being revealed as something foreign. As the lies slowly started to come to the surface the feeling was sickening, disappointing and hurtful. What I realized was that the feeling in my gut was the true sign that this person was dishonest and that I was being manipulated through a lack of honesty and for the first time in my life I took action on that feeling rather than allowing the situation to pass by my questioning myself.
Unfortunately we never know fully if the people we surround ourselves with are being honest, we choose our friends, lovers and acquaintances based on common ground and from there get to decide where those relationships go based on our time spent with them. As human beings this is really the best we can do because it is not our job to judge or control others actions. Being honest with ourselves in the end is the best choice for deciding those we choose to have around us. Real honesty starts with trusting what we have inside of us. It is not just self love but it is allowing our mindless chatter to not overcome what our internal gut feeling is telling us. Sometimes it takes being quiet and listening to what comes up. If there is a bad feeling that won’t go away then chances are something is not right. If there is any form of discomfort while with someone the best you can do is be patient, focus on why that feeling exist and share in a kind way what ever that discomfort is without passing judgement. Being open in that situation, asking the person at hand to be honest with out accusation or blame is where you start. Where it ends will be determined on how well you listen, what circumstances play out and how your confrontation makes that person feel. Asking for a little help from your higher power doesn’t hurt. In the end the situation may be painful but when we allow ourselves to be around dishonest people we allow ourself to be vulnerable to ongoing hurt.
I believe that most people who are dishonest have a lot of drama in their lives because the energy it takes to continue down that path tends to leave a trail of bad emotions and sadness along the way. Leaving the situation is painful at first but when we surround ourselves with positive, honest people that is what we attract and we are happier as a result. Happiness does not lend itself to lies only to truth and there is no justification for a lie.
In the end I have to admit I am sure there will be times in my life I will have to experience disappointment in others truthfulness. I choose to forgive those who have hurt me in the past, to not allow anger to fill that disappointment and to move forward. I will not stop allowing my self to see the good in others but I will be more aware of what my gut is saying along the way. My goal in life it to be happy and this is just one more baby step to continuing on that path.
Thank you for reading, sending love….pass it on.