Jun 7 2011

Reflecting on a year of giving, completing the chapter and moving forward…

I found myself feeling really emotional tonight, at times sad, a few tears but with a huge feeling or content, maybe even relief. Tomorrow (June 7) at 9 A.M. ReTune Nashville will come to a close, although there will be some small responsibilities until next year the bulk of what we set out to do as a flood relief will be over.

LinkedInReTune 300x300 Reflecting on a year of giving, completing the chapter and moving forward...

It all started with a small idea that went viral and before I knew it I was deep into a project that would change my life for an entire year. 81 visual artist volunteered their time and talent to create beautiful one of a kind items from flood damaged instruments that were saved from the landfills. Musicians and songwriters came forward even after loosing their prize possessions and donated their gear to help. Businesses and independent sponsors came forward and helped us keep the project going so that we did not have to spend money that was raised through our art sales. And the volunteers…so many people put time into this project simply to help and not a penny was profited independently. We sold every piece of art (over 100 items) created over the course of one year from start to finish. We donated $6,000.00 to MusiCares flood relief and another $6,000.00 to the Nashville Musicians Flood Relief Fund the end of last year…tomorrow we will donate the rest of what we have raised and announce that number to the public and the media.

When I experienced the flood first hand a year ago and saw how it brought the community together in Nashville, it renewed my belief that there is still goodness in us all as human beings. Sometimes we have to be reminded through the humility and loss of others how fragile life is and how in a second it can all change. With the constant negative media coverage of our world and all its happenings, the drama our tv’s constantly embed with the click of a channel and the hostility that seems to be internalized in so many people it is often easy to lose focus.

I have never lost my worldly possessions to a natural disaster although I walked away form a verbally abusive marriage and most of my belongings many years ago. My life has had it’s ups and downs, most of my struggles have been self inflicted by bad choices and unhealthy decisions. I openly admit that I struggled with depression in private most of my life but in 2008 I faced several life changing events including a tragedy that set me on a new path of love and gratitude. In that period of healing I stopped focusing on all the negative things and began believing that if I wanted to feel good I needed to be honest with myself and figure out what it was that could actually make me happy. I started by learning to love myself, by accepting all the things I couldn’t change and focusing on the things I could. Where I stand now I have found it isn’t money, it isnt a relationship and it has nothing to do with success. It is having the ability to be grateful in a way that brings tears to your eyes. It is wanting to be happy so badly that it becomes contagious and for me it is offering help to others without any expectations. That was how ReTune Nashville started as it entered my life and it has changed me.

Baby steps have lead me to where I am right now. I can say that I have found more pride and satisfaction out of this one project than anything I have done in my life. Perhaps it is because it has nothing to do with me, maybe it is knowing I am helping others or the wonderful feeling of community it has created for all those involved. All I know right now is that it has lit a fire in me that will continue to spread, if I had more money in my bank account I would dedicate my life to humanity as a philanthropist but the world will have to settle for my creativity and volunteerism for right now!

Thank you to everyone out there who believed, who gave and who passed it on, you all are the reason that ReTune Nashville was a success and I am so very grateful to each and every one of you. This chapter is now complete…lets see what the next has to offer.

Sending love out to you all…..

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Nov 17 2010

Am I "The Jack of All Trades and the Master on None?"

queen Am I "The Jack of All Trades and the Master on None?"

Wow how time flies!  It has been a long time since I have written and as most of you know I have been extremely busy with a flood relief I started called ReTune Nashville.  I have missed writing and the release I get putting down my thoughts and sharing with others.  This is the first week in more than 5 months that I have had any free time due to the time it has taken to keep ReTune Nashville, my teaching and photography moving forward.  So with all that said I have been pondering many things this week with this much needed down time.

The past few days I have come to notice how little credit I give myself for what I have accomplished in my life.  I never doubted my self as a child until I became a teenager. Before becoming a teen, when I wanted something I knew all I had to do is work hard and I would get it…like the time I won “Queen” of my school, it had nothing to do with popularity it had to do with how much I could sell and I sold a lot because I had no doubt I could!  For some reason when I became a teenager all that confidence melted into self doubt.  I still feel so often like that teenage kid wanting to be something bigger than I am but not having the confidence to believe that I deserve it.  At times I still, after all these years and all this self-work have very little confidence in myself.  What I have learned is that when I feel that way, I am usually comparing myself to someone I admire who has done more.  The funny thing is I can bet that all those that I admire have at times felt these same inferior, uncomfortable moments of self judgment, after all we are all human….right?

I can’t understand why I do this to myself, I think it is good sometimes to compare my accomplishments to someone I admire when it allows me to self motivate and work harder toward a goal but when I feel like I have let myself down, not worked hard enough or been fortunate enough to make the right career decisions, that is when I get mad at myself.  All my life I have heard people say “your so talented or your so lucky your a creative person or is there anything you can’t do.”  The reality is none of that registers to me because all I see is “your the jack of all trades and the master of none!”  I think in my own mind I have always wanted to have a specialty, to have that one thing I was extremely passionate about and really good at, that one thing I could take to the highest level possible and share with others.  Instead I find I allow myself to get to a certain point with one thing and then I switch gears into something else.  I have always blamed it on a short attention span and I do get bored very easily but the truth is in my older age if I look hard enough there may be some fear hidden in that shifter.  Yes, as much as I hate to admit it perhaps I am setting my own self fulfilling prophecy by listening to that little voice say I am not good enough, to doubt my abilities, to allow myself to believe it is not possible or that I don’t deserve it then shifting gears so I don’t have to face the idea of failing.  In an attempt to believe I am not scared of failure I make big changes in my life so on the surface I look as though I am fearless…wow as I write this I am questioning my thoughts and wondering could this all be true.

Perhaps I should ponder this a bit before sharing anymore, maybe I have said just enough for you to start pondering for yourself about yourself.  When you really look at most really successful people they have continued to move forward in their desire even when they are failing, some are lucky to get the success they want quickly and others may take years but eventually they get there.  I am not giving up on anything but maybe because I am always switching gears and now aware enough to ponder that, I might have some success in just thinking about it!  I still have to question am I “The Jack of All Trades and the Master of None?”  I will keep thinking and sending love out to all of you in the process, it is good to be back!

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