Dating at 41…

Ahhh… to be dating again after so many years. Dating is so different at 41 than in my younger years. For starters I don..t intend to meet a date at a bar as I did when I was younger so how does it work at 41. I have found comfort and humor from this new place with my other single friends. We have sat down and scoped out the online dating thing and it proved hours of laughter as we clicked through the profiles. Some of my favorite lines are ..Works hard and Plays Hard.., is this honestly supposed to impress me? What I hear in that is I make money, I drink heavily, party hardy and I hope to impress you by saying so. Another is ..If you have baggage don..t bother contacting me.., who the hell doesn’t have baggage. Having baggage at my age is acceptable, in fact I am sure you start carrying baggage in your 20s if not earlier. Allowing it to affect a new relationship is another thing. I have to question any man who states he loves romantic nights by the fireplace or candle light dinners. I know men do these things and act like they enjoy the process early on by if they enjoy it so much how come it disappears once the catch is caught? After that it is reserved to once a year in February. Romance doesn’t seem to come easy for most men but God bless them for trying. Over the years I have realized that romance is really not as important to me as I thought. It is wonderful if it comes naturally but usually men try so hard because they want to impress that their efforts come off nervous or contrived. With age I have found laughter is overall a better alternative for a man and woman..that in itself can be very romantic. I think simple things that take a special thought on the mans part are more romantic than the traditional expected things. A love letter on a pillow, surprising you with your favorite ice creme…maybe a little whip creme for fun, slipping a set of hockey tickets under the bathroom door, a swipe of cologne on the bathroom towel, take home sushi and a movie, breakfast in bed, making out in the car, or a simple sexy glance from across a room full of people…I don’t know I am pulling these out of my ass but the point is flowers and candlelight dinners are typical. Romance can only happen when some sort of connection or attraction is present and it doesnt need to cost money it needs to be felt.

The reality is that dating is the fun part, finding someone you want to continue to date is the difficult part. Where do you meet them, the awkwardness of the first date…many first dates before you find one your willing to go on a second with. As we get older we get pickier, we know what we are looking for…or think we do and we are on auto pilot. I am not sure if we are just set in our ways or if we truly have an internal clock that says I am tired and would rather be alone than waist time with the wrong one. It seems to hurt more and take longer to get over if you settle rather than move on, I speak from experience. Dating can be fun especially with an open mind and your feet firmly on the ground. It works best when you realize that being single is not so bad, being alone at home with your best friend-you dog is ok, that looking for a life long mate is like finding the perfect job…it takes time and patience. Along the ride you can make great friends, make great memories and gain confidence knowing that in time your efforts will pay off. After all we all want the same things…love and companionship.

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