“Working on my 2011 desires, pondering the possibilities!”

This time of year is always emotional, when things get slow from the holiday I  allow myself  to sit still and ponder what lies ahead for me.  I am constantly wanting, trying and pushing myself to be a better person, to live compassionately and to live with purpose.

It came to my attention this morning while watching the movie “Eat, Pray, Love” that the hurdles I have to get past, the personal things I am trying to change, those things that I have struggled with are really so small compared to what so many other people are dealing with.  My small life of mistakes have never killed anyone, never left a physical scar and other than the occasional emotional pain I may have left with some I have really lived a pretty clean, safe life.  Safe…I hate that, it seems so boring.  I sometimes feel overwhelmed in the skin I have grown so comfortable in perhaps out of boredom.  I want change, I want to live, to want to experience an extraordinary life not an ordinary life! I search, I uncover things, I try new things yet so often I still feel….BORED.

As I have said so often, perhaps we are not supposed to know the path we are to follow, we choose each road and if we dig deep with in ourselves, if we spend time being still and in a sober state we make healthier decisions. Even with a healthier introspective state of mind we still do not know for sure where each path will take us, when a mistake will be made or weather we will laugh or cry.  To take each moment, to feel each choice, to feel each emotion that our choices create in life…this has to be the path, the right path.  Each of us are different, perhaps our meaning of life is only found at the end of our travels, of our lives.  I hope with my life I leave some sort of knowledgeable impression that will help those confused of the road traveled after I am gone.  I want to leave something meaningful.  As of now it is all I have to offer, I have no husband, no kids nothing really of importance other than my words, imagery, ideas and experiences.  I believe we help others by sharing, being honest and being humble, especially when we share our mistakes as long as we do not make others wrong.  We always have a choice or make the choice that leads us to where ever we are going, we must take that responsibility seriously and with full ownership.

In Eat Pray Love I felt as if I shared very similar circumstances as Elizabeth.  In my marriage, in my wanting change and in my taking a giant leap to bring more meaning to my life.  A few of the things I loved from the film were:

Sometimes loosing balance in life is a part of living in balance with life….

Everyone I have met in my life so far has been a teacher to me…how beautiful

“The Physics of the Quest”- I’ve come to believe that there exists in the universe something I call “The Physics of The Quest” – a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws gravity or momentum. And the rule of Quest Physics maybe goes like this: “If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself….then truth will not be withheld from you.” Or so I’ve come to believe.”  ~Elizabeth Gilbert

I love when I discover a book or movie that truly moves me, that motivates me and makes me want to be a better person.  I admit I am scared of love, scared of change, scared of what lies ahead but in 2011 I want to be more productive in taking action because I believe I have to start with fear before I can truly be fearless!

Time to ponder my desires for the year that lies ahead.  I have a week to prepare my list, what is on yours?  Sending love and best wishes for the holiday’s!  xoxo

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